The Hindrance of Feelings
by galaxyofstarsintheocean
Summary: Sara processes the fact that Ben slept with Riley (or Riley slept with Ben). Takes place between "The Benefit of Friends" and "The Benefit of Full Disclosure".


**TAKES PLACE IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE EPISODE "THE BENEFIT OF FRIENDS". ANYTHING RECOGNIZABLE BELONGS NBC AND SCOTT NEUSTADTER AND MICHAEL H. WEBER.  
**

* * *

 _"Where are you going?"  
_

 _"To share some good news with my best friend."_

 _"Usually best friends aren't people you've slept with and still kiss you."_

 _"Look, I'm sorry that happened, but I can't just cut Ben out of my life."_

 _"Why not, Sara? I mean, come on, let's face it, the guy's kind of a loser."_

 _"Don't talk about Ben like that."_

 _"Wow, spoken like a protective girlfriend."_

 _"You're being obnoxious."_

 _"You want obnoxious? Ben's a zero, and if you go and see him, I won't be here when you come back."_

 _"Just make sure the door locks when you leave. It sticks sometimes, and I worry about prowlers."_

* * *

 _"Ben, I want to be friends again, and as for the rest of it, we'll figure it out. And guess what. I saved a life today!"_

Riley pops up, previously hidden by Ben, black bra bared. There's only one reason she'd be in bed with a guy in just her bra. I can feel my heart break, a pit in my stomach as the realization sinks in. Stunned, I turn around and leave Ben's studio apartment. As the door closes behind me, I can't prevent the sob that forces its way out. Determined not to cry on his doorstep like some love sick girl, I nearly sprint out of the building. Exiting the building, I find the previously clear night is now in a downpour. Knowing I can't turn back, I step out into the rain, getting soaked in seconds. _When it rains, it pours_. _Great._ As I walk home, thoughts swirling around like the rainwater at the sewer grates, I don't know how I would be able to go to bar night tomorrow. _Maybe Fitz was right about sleeping within the friend circle ruining everything._ I let myself cry now; no one would know the difference.

The benefit-I choked back a laugh at that- of living so close to Ben is that I was home rather quickly. Pausing at my door, my hand frozen over the knob. Shaking from the cold, nerves and who knows what else, I wonder if Matt really did leave. _Here goes nothing._ I grasp the knob and turn slowly. I don't know what to feel when the knob stops half way, indicating that Matt did make sure it locked when he left. Relief and heartbreak working in tandem as I reach into my pocket to fish out my apartment keys. I wonder if I should change the locks. Or at least demand back the spare from Ben. Then it hits me.

 _I live with Riley._

And that was something I couldn't face. Not right now. Not this wound and in pain. Trying not to cry, I reach for my phone and call the one person I knew would help me.

"What's up Sara?" Aaron answers, sounding slightly distracted.

"Can I stay at your place for a little?" I hate how my voice quavers. Thankfully he answers immediately.

"Of course." And that was that.

* * *

Aaron meets me outside his apartment building. Without saying a word, he opens his arms. As his arms envelope me in an embrace, I can't hold back the tears anymore. Thankfully he doesn't ask me anything, just holds me tight. Eventually my tears stop, and he takes my hand and leads me up to his apartment. The ride up the elevator punctuated with a few sniffles from me, but otherwise silent. It wasn't until we were standing in his living room that I realized I was still in my drenched clothes. It was actually a slight chattering sound, my teeth clacking against each other, that reminded me that I walked to my apartment in the downpour as well as to Aaron's. I have no idea when he became telepathic, nor when he walked out of my sight, but all of a sudden a pair of grey sweats and a matching hoodie are pushed into my view. In a gesture that indicated _Mi casa es su casa_ , he held out the clothes to me. Taking them with shaking hands, I walked slowly to the bathroom. Stripping off my wet clothes takes more effort than it should, but eventually everything is in a small pile on the tile floor. Surprisingly, my underwear is still dry, so I keep them on. The sweats Aaron handed me are soft and warm, and smell faintly of him. Knowing I couldn't stay in his bathroom forever, I exit. Aaron, now sitting on the couch, has a look of understand in his eye. At least, that's what I think it is. I lay down next to him, my head pillowed on his lap. It's a little weird. I'm use to doing this with Fitz, or Ben, but Fitz would give his _I told you so_ speech and Ben isn't an option right now.

Aaron simply pets my hair, or at least attempts to. The rain messed with the curls and I didn't bother trying to dry it. We sit in silence for some time. I'm not quite sure how long, but I managed to fall asleep. He wakes me with gentle shoulder nudges.

"What happened?" Two simple words. Not so simple answer.

"Riley had sex with.." my voice catches right before I say his name. I try clearing my throat, but the lump refuses to clear. "She...she and Ben," that was all I could say before another sob ripped its way out of my mouth. My hand flies to my mouth to prevent more from

"Let's go to bed." is all he says in response. I stand up, my heart sinking once again. He grabs my hand and leads me up to his bedroom. Which I've never seen before. It is actually kind of shocking how simplistic his room is. But it is totally Aaron. The queen sized bed looks inviting with the dozens of blankets and pillows. He guides me to the bed, and lets me crawl under the covers like a scared child, before following. He curls up next to me, and the lights blink out. And a thought hits me: _This may be the only time I've ever shared a bed with someone I haven't had sex with._

But before I could think any further, I was once again asleep.

* * *

I wake up around 6, I think, to Aaron sitting next to me on top of the covers, holding a cup of coffee. Wordlessly he hands over the cup. Its warmth worms its way into my hands. I breath in the aroma, enjoying the simple comfort it provides.

"I asked Fitz to grab you some work clothes from your apartment. He should be back soon. If you leave in about an hour, you'll make it in time for your shift. I assumed you wouldn't want to call off." Careful not to spill any coffee, I hung Aaron tightly.

"Thank you." I whisper, not capable of much else right now. Time seems to flow differently since I walked in on Ben and Riley. It was only a few minutes before Fitz returned home, the rhythmic tap of his footsteps echo in the quiet apartment.

"Baby girl, clothes are on the counter." His voice was loud enough to hear, but was soft spoken. A small smile blossomed.

"I should get ready for work." I murmured. Carefully extracting myself from Aaron's bed, I walked slowly down the stairs, sipping the coffee as I went.

* * *

It took 15 minutes to finish the coffee, change and sneak out of Aaron's. I sent him a short text letting him know I left, walking slowly in the vague direction of work. I never realized how many coffee sops where in the city. I distantly remember seven or eight Starbucks and dozens of other family shops as I walked to work. It felt like I was walking on autopilot, which was strange, because I've never walked to work from Aaron's; I've always driven. And never spent the night in his bed.

I vaguely remember how I got the cup of coffee I was holding as I walked into the hospital. Vaguely remember returning the greetings given by the guards and front desk receptionists. Everything that happened next-clocking in, grabbing my coat, grabbing files-all a blur. Walking into the doctor's lounge was something that didn't need thinking about. Muscle memory. Looked at the files without retaining one word. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Somehow I made it through the day without event. Two overdue ladies worried about having not given birth yet; one of which went into labor during the appointment. A few post-birth check-ups, one reschedule and a bunch of paperwork. During the few lulls in work I felt my thoughts drift. Thoughts of stopping at the bar before going home. I felt my heart skip a beat. It was Thursday; Riley would be bartending. The gang would stop by and try to come up with a new and ingenious drinking game. I knew that was something I wouldn't be able to do. I sat in the tiny closet of an office they assigned me. I looked at the clock. 2:14. It's red number daring me. Riley wouldn't be leaving for work until around 5:15, or 5:45 if she couldn't decide what to wear. So I didn't want to be anywhere close to the apartment until 6, just to make sure she was gone. And getting off around 4:30 today meant I had about an hour and a half to waste before I could return to my apartment without running into Riley. I felt my shoulders sag. Just when I find a guy I thought I could be happy with, everything had to go to hell. One more appointment, then I would be done for the day. And that was all I could think of. _One more._

* * *

 **A/N: So, there is going to be a second chapter. Although at this point I have no idea when that will be written, seeing as I started this chapter back in March.  
**

 **And for those of you curious, I did not like the transition from "The Benefits of Friends" and "The Benefits of Full Disclosure". I just couldn't see Sara, specifically, getting over something like walking in on Ben and Riley having sex like that.**

 **Read and review, please :)**


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